Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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