I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize