Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
