Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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