I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm bleeding and have questions
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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