his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
