Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think i have two assholes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
