and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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