were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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