After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
