so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
