you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
