It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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