Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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