Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
