I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
