Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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