btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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