That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
