I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
