why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
