If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
