Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
