he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
