i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
