Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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