Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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