I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
