I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
