You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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