Ambien. No doubt about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
