The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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