you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
