Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
