I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were trust falling into bushes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
