I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
