Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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