He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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