woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
