Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
