i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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