My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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