He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
