Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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