Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
