Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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