You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
