Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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