I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
