i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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