I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
