i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
