Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize