Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize