Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
