I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
