idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
