i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
