come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
