I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
