New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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