I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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