I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
