If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
