He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.