I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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