God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
