Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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