i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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