don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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