69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
