Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
