If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ok first of all what the fuck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
