If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
