And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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