Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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