Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
