She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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