I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
