he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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