shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
