just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is Oprah even human
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
